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How To Win An Argument On The Internet

30 Dec

Choose Your Ground

The best place to win an internet argument is to have it in a place where most people will agree with you.  Don’t, for instance, claim the success of multiculturalism on a BNP chat forum this would be doomed to failure.  If you want to debate multiculturalism on a BNP chat forum, claiming its failure would be your best bet.  The advantage here is that clearly it’s easier to win when everyone agrees with you.  In fact on the Internet the trick to victory is to having people agree with you, even if your point is stupid beyond belief.  Remember, you can always win an argument that lizard people are ruling the Earth on the David Icke website.

Claim Victory

It’s never to early to claim victory on the Internet, you can claim victory before the discussion even starts, just post something that you agree with or find a blog that you agree with and post up “Yes, we’ve won!” by suggesting that you are part of a group you also state your identity as belonging to that majority group on the site and not to any nay saying minority that may exist.

Dealing With Naysayers

Some people may disagree with you.  This is almost necessary to compound your victory.  It’s not absolutely necessary but it may happen.  The trick to continued victory is to make these people go away.  Once they’ve left and the only people remaining are those who agree, you can feel reasonably assured of your victory (and can claim it once more).

Driving Away Naysayers

First claim victory, “Why are you disagreeing?  We’ve already won, and you’ve lost.”  This is your essential message.  It’s true too, you’d already claimed victory before they arrived and it’s not as if you’re a liar.

Make Their Position Ambiguous

Naysayers may try to point to the facts, but these are their facts and are obviously wrong, if you can point to other facts that disagree with theirs.  If a fact is disputed it’s ambiguous and thus not a fact, ignore the possibility that this makes your own facts ambiguous (they should have thought of that first and you’ve already claimed victory).  If it helps you, claim victory again.

Confuse Them With Verbosity

Nothing puts the average internet user off like a long post, particularly one peppered with run on sentences, grammatical mistakes, bad formatting and disjointed rhetoric.  In order to counter your post they’ll have to address each point in turn and if they miss one you can refuse to counter until they respond to all your points, of course, while they’re doing that you’ll have had the chance to make a few more points that they also need to address, post a few complete articles that you’ll require them to read, dismiss what they’ve already posted and claim your victory and their loss a few more times.  It’s possible though that this won’t be enough to drive them away.

Insult Them

Some people won’t take “You lost” as an argument, they live in perpetual denial of the correctness of your position.  They need to be told, and if they can’t take being told politely tell them impolitely, make up nicknames on the basis of their id, insult them, their argument, where they come from, their race, gender, anything.  Now it may seem wrong to be unnecessarily impolite, but this isn’t unnecessary.  Clearly these people are beyond help.  Abuse them until they leave.  Then you win.

Now claim victory.

Of course it may not be enough, others may appear, repeat as above until anyone who would dare to disagree with you is repelled.

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1 Comment

Posted by on December 30, 2011 in Commentariat

 

One response to “How To Win An Argument On The Internet

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